unattended

so ive been single for a while now. but i really started stepping out into this 'single' world just over these last couple of months. i had been in relationships continuously for a long time so it was kind of weird to transition back into this. i was definitely used to the calls. the attention. the ability to go over a boo's house and cuddle and watch tv and alla that. that sh*t kiiiiinda just stops when you're legit single. [found that out the hard way...] and i don't mean the single where you're 'kinda talkin' to someone or in a relationship with 'no titles'. im talkin legit clean slate single lol. now i'll admit that i dont have the cleanest past with my relationships. ive done my dirt and paid the price several times. [dont judge me by the mistakes of my past. they do not predict the actions of my future.] but i was young and dumb. and im not saying i have things all figured out right now. but then again, i dont think im supposed to at 22. i acknowledge that my past relationships have been the most amazing learning experiences ever. and with that being said. ive chosen to take this time and learn a bit more about women. i guess you can say im trying to figure out how they work [good luck with that right?] and so far there has been one situation that im finding out seems to be quite common. i referred to it as "unattended woman syndrome". hear me out. it's just identifying a woman within a relationship who is feeling unappreciated or in some cases disrespected. while giving her all in the relationship, he's barely trying to match her effort. he's not appreciating the little things she's doing to provide happiness for him. i could go on forever with this but the fact of the matter is: these dudes out here are leaving their women unattended. and there are so many [good] dudes out there willing to treat them right and appreciate everything they have to offer. and if you don't wake up soon. she's gonna leave you. so i wanted to send a message to all the fellas out there who aren't truly appreciating these beautiful women for who they are. but it looks somebody beat me to it...

What a Boyfriend Should do...

Ladies I know it's times where you expect a Man to know what to do when you're sad, wanna be held, mad, tryin to be playful, in need, etc. But usually if you aren't upfront about what you want they'll NEVER know. Men aren't mind readers nor are they gonna beg to know what's going on with you. Not saying that they don't care but they simply just don't communicate like us. So I decided to help you guys out in certain circumstances. However, this may not work for every1 but I'm almost certain the ladies will agree. To be completely honest these are things that I wish would've happen while I was in relationships with boys [yeah i said boys cause they weren't at all men yet] but it didn't happen for a reason [growth]. Also men feel free to let me know how you feel about what is ask'd of you....Here we goo!!


When she walks away from you mad
(Follow her)
When she stares at your mouth
(Kiss her)
When she pushes you or hit’s you
(Grab her and don’t let go)
When she starts cussing at you
(Don’t cuss back and make her feel worse,just deal with it for the time being)
When she’s quiet
(Ask her what’s wrong,but not a billion times when she says nothing)
When she ignores you
(Give her your attention)
When she pulls away
(Pull her back)
When you see her at her worst
(Tell her she’s beautiful)
When you see her start crying
(Just hold her and don’t say a word)
When you see her walking
(Sneak up and hug her waist from behind)
When she’s scared
(Protect her)
When she lay’s her head on your shoulder
(Tilt her head up and kiss her)
When she steals’s your favorite shirt
(Let her keep it)
When she tease’s you
(Tease her back and make her laugh)
When she doesn’t answer for a long time
(Reassure her that everything is okay)
When she looks at you with doubt
(Back yourself up)
When she say’s that she like’s you
(She really does more than you could understand, completely true)
When she grabs at your hands
(Hold hers and play with her fingers)
When she tells you a secret
(Keep it safe and untold)
When she looks at you in your eyes
(Don’t look away until she does)
When she misses you
(She’s hurting inside)
When you break her heart
(The pain never really goes away)
When she says its over
(She still wants you to be hers)

I Respect the Struggle...

I was up lastnite writing [as i do every night it seems like] about all types of shit. I found myself writing about the struggle tho, it was one of those moments where you just let the pen and your hand run thru the paper, after your hand gets tired you read over what u got and HOPE its something worth sharing. Funny part is I still don't think its worth sharing even after i made it into a poem and gave it a title [LoL]. But I say what the hell I'll let the readers be the judge!

"Keep in mind that I'm sensitive about my shit!"--Badu

I Respect the struggle

I Strive to prevail

I try to stop wondering what’s fake or real.

I Respect the hustle

I can not fail I’m on my feet

letting my spirit set sail.

I Respect the hard times

For what they are worth

They teach me a lot but they indeed do hurt.

I Respect the real and ignore the fake

The fake will take what I worked hard to make.

I Respect the wise

For they know wisdom

when they breathe no longer I do not forget them.

I Respect the game

Even if i don’t win

I have to learn to lose in order to win.

I Respect the dignity

That no one can take I’m strong sooo i won’t break.

I Respect the process of life it’s self

whether poor or rich Life is a gift

But when it get’s hard it’s almost cursed.

I Respect the rewards for working hard

But I wont let that taint who I am.

I Respect the struggle of Life

a bitter sweet curse but i can turn that around

and make it a blessing in the works.

This is the end of my bitter sweet words.

I want a love like...

PABLO NERUDA! Yes, I said I want a love like him. Why? Because of this poem...

If You Forget Me

I want you to know one thing.
You know how this is:
if i look at the crystal moon,
at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch near the fire the impalpable ashor the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,

if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly you forget me do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners that passes through my life,
and you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots,
remember that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land.

But if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love,

ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,my love feeds on your love, beloved,and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine.

I know after reading it seems impossible right? I believe my Pablo is out there. KEEP HOPE ALIVE!! LOL

Ready?

There are a few albums out there that I'd make LOVE too and Trey Songz "ready" album is Mos Def 1 of them...what's an album you would/have made Love too?

Rain:)

I don't know about ya'll but the rain is my friend...it makes everything feel soft and snugg. It's the season that brings all the old/new boos round [even tho u dnt want them lol] and it makes SLEEP sooooooooo much better. For some reason I always want to dance, walk, & talk in the rain. Fall, our relationship is GREAT! You never let me down, I thank you!!

Open Your Eyes

so i have this crush.
and she is just dope as can be.
perfect in so many ways.
but we met under some unique circumstances.

well maybe the circumstances were unique because ive never met anyone like you.
you had this way about you.

and we got to know each other really well by mistake.
it was never intentional for us to connect on the level we did.

but maybe that's how these things are supposed to happen.

i probably sound crazy.
and i apologize.
i just wish i had the chance to tell you how i feel.

you are beautiful.
inside and out.
your intelligence astounds me.
i said. you are beautiful sweetheart.
in every single way this man could want you to be.
you would never even have to beg me to stay.
because you and only you have made me feel this way.
in such a short period of time.
you know my most persoal flaws.
more than you could ever truly understand.
and i long to know.
if i've changed my ways.
and now know where i go wrong.
could my pains become my joys.
because you recognize the man i've grown to be.
then can i finally treat you like my Queen.
and i; your King.

listen:

[i remember you helped me get all of his CDs. thank you.]

Papers

have you not heard that Usher?! you are seriously slippin if you haven't! i'm a huge fan of lyrics and emotion [that's why i love R&B and poetry] and this song is overwhelming with both! i plan on breaking down some lyrics in here so please turn away if you are not ready to hear what Usher has to say this time around...

now this dude is notorious for relationship songs. actually his albums have become intensely influenced by his personal experiences. and to be honest that makes them all the more enjoyable. people really relate to the honesty in people's lyrics. now i'm not currently going through anything like this myself BUT, just as everyone else, there are some super intense lyrics in here that i can relate to on some level. and i just wanted to point out some that really stood out to me. the quotes will be in different colors. let's get started. can't. get to work on time. can't believe the words to her that i just said. but who the hell argue and fight like dogs at 6 in the mornin?! i know it's gonna be some more sh*t toniiiiight. oh! Usher spits that real sh*t. you telling me you never had that random argument that started late and somehow ended going on until some early hours of the morning??? then you end up being late for work or school because you got some bullsh*t *ss sleep. and that sh*t seemed to only end because you're tired and didn't want to argue anymore so you could go to sleep [no? just me?]. and like he said. you just knew there was going to be some more sh*t waiting for you that night! ugh. for you i gave my heart and turned my back against the world. 'cause you were my girl. girl. girl. i don't d*mn near lost my momma. i done been through so much drama. i done turned into the man i never thought i'd be. i'm ready to sign them papers. papers. papers. [i done took all i can take but you leave me no options girl] i can't deny how much i love you. i done gave up everything i had to. as hard as it is i'm afraid i gotta say... if you ever. ever. EVER find yourself turning your back against the world for your relationship: you probably need to make that come to an end. like seriously. it probably won't work out for the both of you. neither should ever feel nor promote that. in a relationship you are supposed to be a team. an unstoppable force. there should be love. support. and most of all encouragement to go out in the world and represent your relationship by being successful in all aspects of social and professional life. [just me again?] and to d*mn near lose your momma?! i don't know about anybody else but i love my momma to death. yea, i'm a mommas boy. but that's because she's all i have ever had my whole life. my daddy was killed when i was 2. AND i had an abusive step-father. [oh i'm not afraid to get personal lol] so my momma has raised me through some hard times and i appreciate her for that. but to be honest. i have never been in that type of relationship. plus my mom is too cool for alla that. if you can't get along with my mom then i probably shouldn't be with you. just puttin that out there...but the most intense part in here is when he says he's reached his limit and is left with no other option but to bring it too an end. d*mn. a divorce no less! bringing any real relationship to an end means a lot of sh*t happened. or at least whatever happened weighed heavy on someone's mind. and that's completely understandable. sometimes you can't accurately weigh how your actions may affect your partner. i guess that's where that good ol' communication comes in huh? and in the end when someone has really reached their limits and has to call it a quits, that doesn't mean they love you any less. i know personally if/when it gets THAT bad to where lyrics to a song like this are accurately telling our story. i would much rather be able to salvage a friendship out of respect for the connection we shared than be at odds for no useful reason for however long we hold onto a "bad break-up". i'm losing my mind. cant figure out who's wrong or right. i know it's you i love. but i also know it's you i don't like. i love you but i don't like you. we've been there. it sucks. but you can't deny the contradiction of your emotions. even when it doesn't make sense at all lol. i'm tired of sleepin' in the other room spending them long nights tryna figure out what in the hell in my heart i ain't do right. for you i gave my heart and turned my back against the world... maybe you haven't been in the other room. but you ever been in bed and sleeping on clear opposite sides of the bed. just NOT cuddling or rolling over each other or something?! how about when you're trying to figure out where the argument came from when you ain't been doing NOTHING BUT RIGHT! [i feel like more dudes can relate to me on that one..]

look. at the end of the day NO ONE knows the perfect recipe for success in a relationship without trial and error. but it's about the compromise. the communication. the patience. a genuine appreciation of what you both bring to the table. and fun. when it's all said and done you should be smiling about the memories instead of crying or being angry. but unfortunately we tend to be too young to understand that before it's too late. but every thing happens for a reason. so every relationship. every heartache. every heartbreak. it leads to a better you. not a beaten or broken you. and you should never ever settle for less. but now that i've completely ruined the song for you lol:

thank you, thank you. you're far too kind...

so i don't know about you. but i'm tha sh*t at parallel parking. now i admit. that sh*t ain't always as easy as you would like. and this d*mn F150 [a random decision @ a stoopit moment...] don't make it NO easier! but i tell you WHat! i'm the sh*t when it comes to parallel parking! i swear to it. its an art. you just know when you can. but anyways. so that becomes a really intense victory for me. fist pump worthy if i say so myself. [do you enter "pause" here?] but i'm sure you all love that joy. unless you have half a car. cause then you're pretty much always str8. no. im not jealous or anything. just stating the facts. [...i mean they are FACTS...] but now this feels ridiculous and i just wanna say i'm the sh*t @ parallel parking. [it IS the little things that count the most lol...where is your mind @ and why?]

real sh*t

i keep it as real as possible on this here blog. but this might be a little too real for some. so ONLY read if you ready for that real sh*t. judge me if you want. this is me.

i'm a closet freak who is tired of being in the closet! now i'm not tryna be all out and about throwin my goodness all over the place. [been there. done that. i'm good lol :)] but all the girls i've gotten into serious relationships with have put me in a position where i felt i would be disrespecting them if i was more verbal about my sexuality. and i totally understand the reasoning behind it. i'm all for the "lady/gentleman in the streets, freak in the sheets". let's just say i've tried to hide this and i can't live like that anymore! i came across a blog earlier [yes you!] that seemed to awaken the sleeping beast inside of me. [lol] now i don't mean for that to come across too intensely but it is what it is. i enjoy sex very much. as i would imagine many do. and i really can't get with holding my tongue any more. i'm a freak. real sh*t. you really don't have to believe me. i actually prefer that you don't. all i know is i'm definitely into a female getting hers before i even attempt to get mines. real sh*t, some times i will take care of her and be fine with that. sex is more than just about me getting mines. that's d*mn near inevitable. for me, it's more about me tryna see how much she can handle [too much??? turn away now] i have no problem handling mine. i'm a man. and i'm down to please my woman. and they tend to be happier for it. so for all of you brothas who don't go down on your girl. [and random jump-offs DO NOT count!] you're asking for a brotha like me to come along and take them! [not that i'm into that @ all though. i respect relationships from both perspectives. being on the inside and out] because there are dudes out there just waiting to find simple *ss dudes like you slippin! but i feel like i've gotten off track lol. anyways. i'm awake now. and to you who inadvertently inspired slash awakened me. thank you! thank you sooooo much. [please stay anonymous] i hate sitting back trying to be the nice guy all the time. i have nothing but good intentions. but i can't deny my sexuality. it wouldn't be me. so for those of you who know me. those of you who don't know me. those of you who thought you knew me. surprise! [lol] take me as i am. i get down with the romance and comedy and deep intellectual stuff all the way. but i'm about my sh*t. not arrogance. not cockiness. but confidence. [old post] pretty much i'm acknowledging myself as a total package. and this sexual side has been hidden for quite some time so it's going to be interesting to see what happens now. again. you. thank you! [lol]

Hopeless...

remember this kind of love?

i'm ready

i'm ready. for a while now i've been developing my thoughts around the man i want to be. in all aspects. friends. family. professional. public. private. and i'm done just thinking about it. i'm through with just talking about it. it's definitely time to be about it. and i'm ready. i acknowledge the fact that everything is a work in progress. and i recognize that all the bumps and bruises along the way will be apart of my continuous growth towards my ultimate goals.

i ran into an old friend today at the barbershop and right off the back i could see time had done him well. fresh suit. beaming with confidence. he's older and everything but it was still amazing to see where he is right now in his life. and as the conversation we were having continued on it was even more of a treat to hear his future plans. i truly do wish the best of luck to him. he's definitely headed on the right path. but it got me thinking about myself. now it's taken me a while to find my "passion". i was never into school or college much at all and spent a lot of time wasting time. but talking to this dude and sharing my own progress and goals and things of that nature gave me a sense of pride i guess i had kind of ignored for a little bit. granted i didn't need any approval from anyone on my goals to feel validated, hearing from this guy who grew up in the same hood i found myself hanging out in when i moved to California, and see him make it out and have business in the State Legislature [right?!] was very inspirational. and for him to applaud the efforts i've been making and the strides i've been taking to reach my goals was quite a humbling experience.

i'm going to be a history professor at the college level. almost a year ago i realized that my major of interest is history. because everyone's history ties into each others. a victory. a fail. an alliance. it all relates somehow. but i believe that it will ultimately give people a greater sense of where they can go and what they can do knowing the history of their people or their country. in a sense, where they have been and what they have been through. i do however plan to focus on African-American history. because i feel like that's the best opportunity for me to reach the unattended of a generation. i work at a continuation school in Compton, California and it is a heartbreaking experience to see such a population of a generation so unmotivated and uninspired while we have a Black President in The United States of America. i mean seriously! President Barack Obama is among the biggest inspirations for me when it comes to taking school as well as life decisions a bit more seriously. and i feel like presenting the history prior to such monumental moments as the Presidential Election of 2008 will give all races and cultures inspiration to make a difference in whatever way they can. because to understand the history of slavery and to see a President Barack Obama around the world representing the United States of America AND just being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples" is absolutely amazing. there is no way you can stop me now! and it's this sense of pride i plan to share with as many students as i can as a Professor of History. and although i plan on focusing on African-American history, being a history professor, i will be able to provide as much assistance as possible in helping motivate all other cultures and races as well. i also plan on working with inner-city youth programs like the one i work for now to provide all kinds of further assistance in the most needy of areas. like i said before. i'm ready.

the conversation also included my barber who was willing to come to the school and cut hair for free just to have a chance to talk to these kids and help provide whatever motivation he can. and just seeing how he and my friend were so willing to help the cause. to see how willing they were to assist me in working against the odds just refueled my spirits. i have to admit, i had kind of lost a bit of inspiration letting my thoughts get to me: thinking i was too far behind being that i got serious later than others. feeling like my goals were unattainable. but i'm ready. it's definitely the right time to get more focused in school and hurry up and transfer so i can do some damage. i'm hungry to taste this life that i know is just waiting for me. it may sound crazy but i can feel that this is my calling. no matter how i may fall back or start to lose interest, something ALWAYS keeps pulling me back. whether it's random run-ins like this. or something on the news. or something at my school. or reading a blog about someone else realizing there passion. i just feel like this was meant for me. i've been through more than anyone could ever really imagine i have. but i'm sure everyone feels like that to some extent. and rightfully so. but it all leads to something. and i realize that all my ups and downs, twists and turn arounds have led me to this. this life. i'm ready.

and although i focused on my career goals in this blog post, i'm ready for so much more in all aspects of my life. i can't keep delaying things until i "feel" like i'm ready. i have to be ready at all times. failure is inevitable. but it's how you come back. how you grow. what you learn. there is no success without failure. i once read/heard the key to success is to not be afraid of failure. and i am no longer afraid of failure. i'm ready to succeed. i really hope others are as well. it's getting to be that point in life where we as a young generation NEED to start being able to live in this world and help make a difference. help make some long overdue changes. i refuse to not be apart of the success of my generation. and i plan to help guide the next generation towards their own avenues of success just as the generations ahead have helped me. i can't stress it any stronger. i am ready!

It's a small WORLD after all...

How does it feel to be caught up in a world where everybody knows somebody that links back to YOU? I know if not everyone that reads this has a story or knows someone that dealt with a circle of friends who were attracted to a person in another circle and that's how it started. But how did it end? Well here's the thing...Why do we date someone then feel obligated to hook the homie up with his/her friend? I think thats the 1st mistake for soo many reasons, mainly because your always going to hear something (bad or good) from each of them because you linked them together. So then when neither of those "relationships" work you move on to the next right? RIGHT!! The next happens to be cool with someone else you know or close too so the cycle continues...Before you know it you've been with about 4 people whom where all linked in some kind of way. How do you break free??

I know alot of times its NEVER on purpose that you fall for your ex's friend or associate, it just happens! Females have created this unwritten rule that you just dont date, have sex with, or even think about someone we've had dealings with PERIOD!! However, not every female agrees with th@ because of different circumstances in their eyes. Males usually see it as ya girl was on me so I did what any guy would do and he takes ol girl down. For me it's all HIGH SCHOOL!!! No really because most of the people you've encountered in your life was through high school [tell me I'm lying].

Personally I won't EVER deal with someone in the "circle" again (yes I said again) cause it's hard enough finding someone outside the "circle" that has No ties whatsoever to the "circle" lol. You gotta be selfish when it comes down to really being serious about he or she. Cause if you don't you'll just find yourself saying, "its a small WORLD after all" while shaking your head.

~ I need feedback on this so plz comment, agree to disagree. Whatever u like lol.

Sex

I know some of you lit up when you seen SEX, huh? Thought to yourself, 'thats a must read' LOL! Naw but really lets get into it (sex talk). I was reading this book about this spiritual connection type stuff that makes peoples' sex drive go thru the roof. Which made me think about how nowadays you don't even need a connection, except for physically to get you some. Not saying it's something wrong with that (i dnt judge) but I prefer more than just the physical aspect of things. Don't get me wrong it's been a time where I decided taken him down was definitely going to happen regardless cause baby was just that FINE! lol

Lastnight on twitter alot of the ppl I follow had this #twitterafterdark trending topic going on and I MUST say it was FUN and REAL. Just tweeting about the things we like while having or before sex. We talked about oral, foreplay, porn, etc. You name it we pretty much covered it. So here's where I start getting into more serious questions...As an adult you realize it's time to find that special someone and potentially develop a relationship, right?? How do you go about doing that given what all males/females have experienced in y'all day and age? Meaning the people in your "circle" or outside of the circle has at least experienced someone or something near you. You get my drift?? [someone knows someone that you been with if they haven't been with them too]. Which brings me to my next blog...

a little something to enjoy

Live Cast #13 / Colbie Caillat – Fallin For You from Borey on Vimeo.

[this is why i love the guitar!!!]

i feel like i should let you all know...

i have the biggest crush on Keyshia Cole! we all have our celebrities. and she is one of mine. Keri Hilson is pretty up there right now. and i can never resist Erykah Badu. but Keyshia is where it's @ for me. i met her once. kept my cool :) i met Keri Hilson too but i had to leave before i fell in love...[don't judge me]

now yall know i play it like a pro in the game...

so i've been doing this bloggin thing for a bit. a while back my friend Hamilton started his blog and i came across Kanye West's blog and they both inspired me to start blogging. now it's been a while since i been on my first blog. but i reactivated so i can post a link to this one and someone took the opportunity to check it out [you just keep rockin' wit cha bad self!] and it kind of made me look back @ my old posts. please don't take this the wrong way: but i wrote some good stuff! i reread some of the things i wrote and instantly jumped into that very moment. i smiled. i frowned. got a little angry. laughed. it was a crazy little ride. but that's a secret motive behind me bloggin so much. i don't expect everyone to feel me on everything. but i figure this stuff is going to be lost in cyberspace @ some point. and generations are going to go by and someone just might discover my blogs. and just imagine how they would feel to come across some blog posts of mine that they related to 300 years later??? crazy right?! i'm definitely aiming to make a some sort of name for myself in my lifetime [different post. different time ;)] but i don't disregard the idea that whatever i do in my life has the ability to live on forever is possible. maybe i'm a bit crazy for that. but it makes me appreciate life and the things that occur in my life that much more as well as take more pride in what i do and what effect i have on the world. don't get me wrong. i'm a work in progress [;)] but look out for me. i got plans. with that being said i just wanted to post a few links to some old posts i revisited and figured some might enjoy:

how does it happen?
on my mind
friends...part deux
happiness
good guy
gettin' my 3 L's on
kiss me in the morning
i'm talking to me in the mirror...
take me as i am
the point of it all
forgive & forget
heavenly
i give you my soul
you amazing creatures you!
well isn't this awkward...
let's be real


those may be a bit much to read all in one sitting but by all means pick and choose. revisit. there's some good stuff in there. i promise. reading those posts kind of renewed a bit of my passion for words and blogging so hopefully i'll be able to bring that over here. please enjoy and don't be afraid to give any/all feedback. let's talk about it :)

SOUL SisTahs

I love this so I thought I'd share...Hope you likey and plz comment :)

Answers given on our ancestors risen.
Resurrected.
Spoken lyrics on the spirits of ancestors to Black Panthers.
Harriet Tubman and Sojourner Truth.
Learning the burning truth about Angela Davis or Assata Shakur.
Kathleen Cleaver.
Controlled whispers for my soul sisters who held things down for US brothers because they loved US.
Called nigger, niggress, nigga, or niggette yet were Nubianesque queens.
Treated US brothers like kings.
Fed US our freedom as they led US to freedom.
Stood right by our side and cried as Panthers partied.
'Til questions ended and answers started.
Our ancestors were sisters who blessed US.
For the pathways paved, homage is paid for those that birthed and nursed and mothered the revolution.

-By Kommon Knowledge

Reminder of how blessed I am.

Life...ups, downs, smiles, and frowns. But even after the very horrible or very happy moments we still realize how blessed we are. Well at least those who have hearts. I can NEVER understand why people take peoples lives but it happens for a reason. Reasons we can NEVER truly pinpoint. This story on the Billings has definitely touched my heart and I hope it touched or touchs y'all too. The tradegy happen this past summer and after all the stuff that I thought that I went through couldn't get any worse, I realize there are 9 special needs kids without parents and they really have NO clue as to why? how? who? So when I decide to complain or think that my problems are soo BIG, I'm now reminded that i'm not at all alone. No matter what we have something to be thankful for because we're still breathing, It's a BLESSING!!!!

[ The story of Billings Murder]

"One moment, they were sleeping peacefully in their Florida home. The next, they were innocent victims of a methodical murder plot.

On July 9, 2009, gunmen broke into Melanie and Byrd "Bud" Billings' home and killed them while they lay in bed. Bud was shot six times, and Melanie took five bullets to the chest, face and head.

Melanie and Bud weren't the only ones at home that night. Nine adopted children with special needs, members of the Billingses' large, loving family, were sleeping nearby.

Ashley Markham, their 27-year-old daughter who lives outside the home, remembers the day vividly. "I called the house about 7:30, and that's when Jacob answered," she says. "Jacob was very distraught."

Then, Jacob, Ashley's 10-year-old adopted brother with Down syndrome, handed the telephone to his autistic sister, Adrianna, who told Ashley their parents were laying on the floor.

Confused and scared, Ashley called 911 while she drove to her parents' house. "I remember pulling up outside the fence, and the yard was taped off," she says. "There were so many police officers, and nobody knew what was going on."

Further investigation led to a chilling discovery. The security cameras Melanie and Bud had installed to watch over their adopted children caught the moments before the murders on tape". (via Oprah.com)

P.s. Also if you go to Oprah.com you can get more on the story and the trust they have for the childern, if you CAN donate. Thx Loves!!

I'm a Tweeter. R u??

Twitter! thee most AWESOME way of communication since cell phones. I mean you can do soo much in 140 characters or less. Piss sum1 off, make sum1s day, bring awareness too, twitpic , twitvid, etc. You have those other sites to like uhm...dang I can't even think of them, uh.....Oh yeah facebook, myspace, skype etc. that did the "job" for the moment but then they died out. I personally dont think twitter will die down because you have your A-listers and alot(if not all) of America tweeting. Really your getting all you want right from the source if they have a twitter page, what more could you ask for?? TWITTER U ROCK!!

P.s. Follow @daymechelle and @thisismycool thx!

just an Imaginary friend...

I don't know my real name.
But he called me Mikey. He is Stanley. And I, am his imaginary friend.
Or at least I used to be...
It's kind of like he doesn't see me anymore.
I mean, no one else really did. But that was fine for the both of us.
This one time we almost thought his mom saw me!
But it just turned out to be a shadow...
I remember he cried that night.
But that wasn't the first time.
I think that was when his dad left.
Now that I think of it, he cried a lot.
His brothers could be so mean! They almost never played with him.
And when they did, they just tortured him until he cried.
I guess that's where I came in...
Oh we played all the time!
My favorite game was when we would pretend to be warriors in a forgotten kingdom.
Oh and when we would save the princess from the dragon's cave!
Wanna know something?
He was my first real friend.
My only friend now that I think of it...
See, we imaginary friends don't really get a say in this life of ours. If you could even call it that.
We are created by and for our "real" friends. Everything that could ever want and need in a friend.
Sweet deal huh? It works out pretty well for us too! [LoL]
Or at least it did for me.
Me and Stanley had some great adventures...
What I wouldn't give to go on one last Space Mission.
[looks to the sky] FLY ME TO THE MOON!!!
...
I don't really know where I go now.
I don't know what I do now.
Oh Stanley has all kinds of friends now.
Sure, I'm still around.
But like I said, it's like he doesn't see me anymore...
Every time he burst through his door I can't help but jump for joy thinking he's ready to save the world again!
But he just tosses his backpack on the bed and runs outside to play with his "real" friends.
He didn't ask me to come along so I just sit by the window and watch.
Hoping that every time he comes near he'll see his good ol' friend Mikey and ask me to come out and play...
I know I can't stay here forever.
But where does an imaginary friend go when he's not a friend anymore?



okay, so i randomly found myself wondering how imaginary friends felt when they lost their "real" friends. and I thought about writing about it. and a friend told me i should. so i did. i don't really have things planned out when i type. i just put my fingers to the keys and let them dance their hearts out. so i did that with this too. and this is what happened. i apologize if it's a bit weird for most. sometimes it be's like that [LoL] i hope you enjoyed.

and your whispering eye...

during the week i don't get much TV in. but the weekends seem to be where i get it in if anything. especially Sundays. NFL all day. some homework. The Cleveland Show. Family Guy. Entourage [season finale was the sh*t!] and now Dexter just to name a few of my Sunday shows [Weeds and True Blood are done] but anyways i get a lot of sleep in on Sundays too so i'm usually up late and i try and catch some movies i haven't seen before. no preference really. i try to be open-minded. again. i ramble. this Sunday i peeped Role Models. now this is my kind of movie. kind of falls in there with 40-year old virgin. juno. superbad. knocked up. you get where this is going? well yea. it made me laugh quite a bit. i'm not into ruining movies so i won't get into it. but it was a good flick. check it out if you haven't. now i'm about to check out Ghost Town with Ricky Gervais. heard good things about it. plus i think his new movie The Invention Of Lying is going to be pretty funny.

[p.s. i find this guy Keegan-Michael Key is funny]

The Cleveland Show

iiiiiiiiiiiiiii like it!

what's wrong with you?

absolutely nothing! as imperfect as you are. as imperfect as we all are. absolutely nothing is wrong with you. or me. or her. or him. or them. or us. in an earlier blog post [daymechelle] posted earlier "Where I'm at Now!" she hits some good points about 'maturity'. she writes:

I'm at a place of Maturity...
Maturing comes with life experiences. My mistakes have matured me a hell of a lot! I've made the same mistake TWICE and it shouldn't of happen but it did and now I truly get why it happen. I had to mature.
I'm at a place of no matter what happens from this day forward it wont be redundant. I'm living each day with a purpose and goal. Along the way I'm bettering myself and trying to help those who are by my side as well.

-daymechelle

beautiful right??? i feel like that provides a perfect example of how to accept who you are. accept who you are becoming. accept who you want to become. we are all just works in progress. and being so young, it's foolish to think we are anything close to perfection. so i pose the question again: what's wrong with you? i hope your answer is 'absolutely nothing'. if not, reread this post and "Where I'm at Now!" as many times as you need to. keep in mind that some days you may be a bit happier with yourself than others. and understand that going through the range of your emotions is just fine. whether it be a good day. happy day. bad day. gloomy day. stressful day. lazy day. etc. just try and remain positive to the best of your ability. and take time to yourself every now and then. escape into a world of music. art. poetry. or whatever you find joy in. it's impossible to stay in the public eye forever. we all need an escape. and just remember: flaws and all. absolutely nothing is wrong with you. we are all a continuous work in progress :)

cool bloggers!

so this may be a new blog. but i've been blogging for a bit and i will have to say that even though it's still early in this blogs life, several unique souls have tuned into our station. [i like the way that sounded :)] and they've really done the ultimate deed by commenting slash responding to our post. [every blogger should appreciate comments...bad or good...that means people are reading.] i wanna take the time to shout out there blogs [hopefully they do not mind :/] and i encourage all who come across this blog or this posts to check em out and see how amazingly unique each one is. i love it! hopefully they'll keep coming back for more and we [Eccentric Souls] will be able to keep everyone's interest [that goes for all you new visitors as well]

elleB. Vega*
Futuristic Immaturity
j...
maryceleste ;
In la hotta Car 54

please dont be afraid to follow or comment either them or us. we love love here at [Eccentric Souls] both giving and receiving. catch you later yea?...

[if anyone has an issue with us putting your blog in our posts PLEASE LET US KNOW. we completely respect the decision to stay private and we do not want to offend in any way. we have no problem removing your information upon your request via comment or email :)]

IDK

I DON'T KNOW!!!!
These past few days have been HARD! I don't know if it's me just siking myself out or what...But this pass friday I was in my 1st car accident and it was one of those experiences where you know it's coming and you see "your life flash be4 your eyes". To paint this picture for y'all, I was waiting at a stop sign by my house and you can only make a right onto this BUSY street. While waiting I'm seeing cars going extremely fast so that's telling me I can't make my right turn safely. As I'm still waiting a lady is headed South dwn the BUSY street but getting over to her left hand lane to make a left onto the street I was on. I'm thinking to myself, I know she's not about to try and beat these cars cause its NOT going to be good and there is NO WAY your gonna win. Sure enough she tried and seconds later her front end was into my driver side door. So of course it wasn't my fault, I just happen to be at the WRONG place at the WRONG time. I'm soo grateful that I'm alive and have all my body parts because I honestly shouldn't have and that's what I struggle with. The fact that I've had this experience where it was completely out of my control, it SCARED the shit out of me! I recognize this feeling also when some1 close to me has died. I'm always trying to keep the smile on my face and act like all is well when it's not. I've developed this wall when it comes down to REAL REAL emotions, its because previous events that have shattered me and I'm steady trying to pick up the pieces. When one thing happens after another how can you really be pieced together as a whole?? Don't get me WRONG I can express my feelings but I feel like when I do it solves nothing, I've just expressed my vulnerability to the next person so they have something "juicy" to tell the next person. I feel this way ONLY because I see it happen every single day! Some1 has something to tell regardless if its their business or not. I'm NOT sure about anything!!! I HONESTLY question EVERYthing!!!