I DON'T KNOW!!!!
These past few days have been HARD! I don't know if it's me just siking myself out or what...But this pass friday I was in my 1st car accident and it was one of those experiences where you know it's coming and you see "your life flash be4 your eyes". To paint this picture for y'all, I was waiting at a stop sign by my house and you can only make a right onto this BUSY street. While waiting I'm seeing cars going extremely fast so that's telling me I can't make my right turn safely. As I'm still waiting a lady is headed South dwn the BUSY street but getting over to her left hand lane to make a left onto the street I was on. I'm thinking to myself, I know she's not about to try and beat these cars cause its NOT going to be good and there is NO WAY your gonna win. Sure enough she tried and seconds later her front end was into my driver side door. So of course it wasn't my fault, I just happen to be at the WRONG place at the WRONG time. I'm soo grateful that I'm alive and have all my body parts because I honestly shouldn't have and that's what I struggle with. The fact that I've had this experience where it was completely out of my control, it SCARED the shit out of me! I recognize this feeling also when some1 close to me has died. I'm always trying to keep the smile on my face and act like all is well when it's not. I've developed this wall when it comes down to REAL REAL emotions, its because previous events that have shattered me and I'm steady trying to pick up the pieces. When one thing happens after another how can you really be pieced together as a whole?? Don't get me WRONG I can express my feelings but I feel like when I do it solves nothing, I've just expressed my vulnerability to the next person so they have something "juicy" to tell the next person. I feel this way ONLY because I see it happen every single day! Some1 has something to tell regardless if its their business or not. I'm NOT sure about anything!!! I HONESTLY question EVERYthing!!!
im glad you're still with us too boo! you know i love me some you! keep that in mind. im sorry you had to experience that sweetie but im glad your still alive and that you blogged about it too. i feel you on many things you've mentioned and dont you worry about a thing. i know it all seems confusing and stressful and at times overwhelming, but it's all apart of growing up. all the heartaches, heartbreaks, losses, wins, intense experiences of all sorts. remember what you said in your blog earlier. everything you experience makes you who you are. and i am definitely here as a friend and all of these lovely bloggers are here as extensions of their souls that are here for you too. posts like this just prove that you were the right person to blog with. [Eccentric Souls] all day!
ReplyDeleteThx hun! Your right...I try to tell myself its the experiences I go thru that make me who i am every day but then again it's those same experiences that also rip me apart. And I know thats "life" but dizzam!! Something has to give!! But I'm strong and all things will work out in due time, right?
ReplyDeletefirst off, that sure as hell scared me visualizing that scene...i dont know you but glad you're alright.
ReplyDeletesecond of all, i feel you completely on having a guard up when it comes to expressing my emotions. i find it much easier to just have a smile cuz even if im not really feeling like smiling, i find that other people take my emotions the wrong way...and i just had this experience happen again last night...ironically enough that i just read your post.
Thx Julieanne:-)
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